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Older Parenthood: Would I do it Again? -Shared by Kim P

Meet Kim:

I am a married, “geriatric” (45-year-old) mother of 2 boys aged 5 and 3 years who works full-time out of my home as a medical research reviewer and writer. I have a Master’s Degree in psychology and enjoy writing about mental health treatment topics. Our family loves outdoor adventures!

A few years ago, we moved from an urban to a rural setting to pursue a lifestyle for our family with more green space and outdoor adventures at our doorstep. I wish I was one of those super awesome mamas who seems to effortlessly run marathons, DIY’s everything, or runs a clutter-free, House Beautiful-worthy home….but the only running I’m doing is out to the street because it’s garbage day and I forgot to take out the garbage and right now the style of our home is à la preschool!

But, then I realized that my strengths of maintaining humor amidst the chaos and self-expression through writing might be a good combination for trying to grow myself through creating an online forum of like-minded mamas with whom I could share ideas.

If I could help make a few mamas laugh out loud on a bad day or help empower someone to try something new – even a small thing – as other online bloggers have done for me – that would be something! So, I decided to embark on this adventure of putting myself out there through blogging and sharing my experiences and networking with other mamas out there who are Mommin’ By the Seat of My Pants!

Here’s What Kim Wanted to Share:

I had my first child at age 39 and my second at age 41. There are some trade-offs. I am more patient and financially stable than in my 20’s. But, I will also be an older grandparent or may miss grandparenting entirely. I am more intellectually equipped. But, I can’t run as fast and jump as high as I could in my twenties.

Some people actively choose older parenthood and others don’t have the luxury of choice. I fall somewhere in between. Before I was Mommin’ By The Seat of My Pants, I was living by the seat of my pants. I didn’t have my life all planned out like some people do. But, in my 20’s and early 30’s, I was one of those people who wasn’t even sure if I liked kids. I no more wanted to hold a baby than I wanted to get a root canal. When I did think about it, I figured that was a good sign that I wasn’t ready for parenting. But, mostly I didn’t think much about it because older parenting was the norm in my inner social and professional circles. Then, in my late-30’s, the maternal light switch finally turned on and I knew I was ready. I had a partner who was in a similar place and within a few years we were on our way to parenthood.

For those of us who postpone parenting until later in life, there are many more options available for overcoming potentially greater barriers. And it is a growing trend. Janet Jackson’s motherhood at 50 is one famous symbol of this. However, after age 35 years, there are certainly many risks and medical complications to consider, including infertility. Plus, there is the humiliation of being referred to as a “geriatric pregnancy” or potentially being mistaken as your children’s grandparent! One of my OBGYNs actually told me with a straight face that I should not expect to be plowing a field, stop to deliver my baby and get right back to plowing!

Although both my boys were conceived quickly, there were a few bumps in the road. I was very closely monitored throughout my pregnancy for pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure and other potential complications). This included frequent fetal monitoring and lab tests and ultimately led to early induction of labor in both pregnancies. It was all very stressful, which I also worried would increase my risk of a negative outcome. But, both pregnancies ended in happy outcomes – so it can be done!

Would I wait this long if I had another chance? I think it is too early to tell. On the other side of desired outcomes, it is easy to say that all of my pre-parenting experiences were valuable and worth the wait. But, I might feel differently in 10 years when I am 55 and my boys are still only 13 and 15. I’d like to think we will age gracefully and our boys will keep us young. But, breast cancer took my mother before she was 55 and my biggest fear is that it will take me too early too (another story coming soon). Only time will tell.

My only advice to those considering postponing parenting until after age 35 is to consider all the trade-offs more carefully than I did. Medical risks aside, the biggest challenges we face as older parents are our declining energy levels and the lack of family support from our own older parents. The struggles are real and are worth considering.

I wonder if I would’ve chose differently if I would’ve read a blog like this back then? Available information and opinions are vast. But, parenting is a momentous and life-changing decision and only you will know when it is right for you.

To Connect with Kim:

IG:  @momminbyseatofpants

FB: Mommin’ By The Seat of My Pants

Blog: https://momminbytheseatofmypants.wordpress.com/

Twitter: MomBySeatOfPant

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